I am here, and you are here on my page, to tell you that you cannot have everything you want or everything you think you can have, that there are limits and we must choose. I am here to tell you that everything in life is about choices, and the consequences of these choices. I am here, and you are here on my page, to tell you that you cannot function endlessly without rest, and if you don't slow down in time, you will be slowed down anyway, either by illness or by something else, even more dramatic than a personal illness... I worked so much without a break in my years of entrepreneurship, and even skipped sleep - yes, I did that too, that I wasn't even surprised when I received the biggest personal brake in terms of health: a heart condition that knocked me down and nearly knocked me out completely, and that has dramatically limited what I can and cannot do for the rest of my life. It slowed me down automatically... I am here, and you are here on my personal page, to tell you that at one point I was slowed down by Him from my rush through work and problems through the death of my best friend (a friend of 25 years, a lifetime of friendship, and a friendship closer than a family relationship, as there are few people you can call at 2 in the morning and know they'll help you with anything you need, and won't back down from anything)... in a car accident at 1 in the morning, coming home tired from his work, commuting between two cities, sleeping only 4 hours a night, the smartest IT guy ever, 33 years old and the kindest-hearted person I've ever met except for my dad), he was about to get married and start a shop and slow down the pace... In that order. He didn't get to do anything anymore, because he was slowed down completely, permanently, because he didn't slow down in time... Because he didn't sleep and rest enough, because he worked like crazy to achieve his earthly dreams (our small human and earthly dreams, which we believe are a big deal but really aren't... not even one of our earthly and human dreams, no matter how big they may seem, has any of the grandeur we attribute to them….

If someone holds an opposing view, as I mentioned, everyone is free to have their own opinion, but I will only listen to some of them, as there are certain opinions that hold no weight, opinions "of ashes," because they concern things that can't be seen from certain angles or through certain lenses. Some opinions are “unqualified”). After John died, I wrote that journal-like page where I confessed to a friend that one day, soon after his death, maybe the second or third day, I set everything aside (note: I was having then serious, significant problems in my second business), and spent ten precious minutes with my little boy, completely immersed in his world of toy cars and trains, and I don't remember exactly what we did then, but I know that in those precious minutes, I was entirely his, fully present in that moment with him, fully connected with my little boy. John's death, so painful, taught me to look at my precious one with different eyes, to detach myself completely in order to be with him, connected to his world... Dear Mom, if you're still more connected to the world's external problems, I want to tell you to slow down NOW, before it's too late. We have our children for 18 years, if we even have them for that long. Some are blessed to have them for a lifetime, many years, others don't even get that much; I know stories like that, but I won't go into them. I saw a wonderful mommy on Instagram the other day, who posted her skincare routine with her beautiful little boy. She said she realized a bit late that she could do it very well together with him... It brought tears to my eyes to see her doing it, and I told her ... :) I too sometimes “steal” joys like this, with my son... Not skincare, but I ask him about video editing or teach him a thing or two about business, even though his current passion is computers...

But for several years now, I don't spend summers with my precious son, don't ask me why, as I can't go into details. And for almost two months every year, my heart breaks with longing until autumn comes and he returns to me, each time a bit older, a bit more grown up. I realize that I've missed yet another precious summer, because now he goes back to school, which somewhat wipes the happiness from his face, and I often see his grumpy morning face or his tired evening face. But I know that if I didn't allow him to spend summers where he does, I would be the one erasing his smile and his greatest joy from his face, and I can't do that. So, I hurt my heart every year, every summer, without my precious son by my side for many years now... It breaks my soul...

But now, I must think only about seeing him soon, even if he's grumpy because school is starting, and I shouldn't dwell on what I've lost, because what's lost is lost... Moms, every precious moment with your child is more valuable than the purest gold, and you have moments NOW that will never come back... I have a friend whose children have all flown the nest, and there were many; now, her nest is empty. She's been left a widow, though she's young, just about nine years older than me. Her home used to be full of children and full of joy, and now it's empty... I can't imagine the size of the void she must feel, as her children have gone far away, thousands of kilometers distant... Mom who posted on Instagram about your twins and your shopping for shoes, buying two pairs at once... If you only knew how blessed you are to have those little feet of children for whom you're buying shoes that might hurt your wallet... I know what it's like to feel a sting in your wallet because of their shoes… But a few more years will pass, and you'll long for your children so much, and you'll want to take them with you to buy little shoes, but your children will be gone, and you'll have too much unspent money in your wallet... Yes, I know, I have a deep sensitivity to this, but tell me, isn't it true? Don't our children leave us too quickly? I wished to have many, many children, but I remarried when my son was between 7 and 8 years old, and I couldn't have another child... The dream of having 8 children is gone, the dream of siblings for my son is gone, but I still have the most precious dream: I still have my son. I have something special in my heart for mothers, and even more so for mothers with many children: I melt completely. Before I had my son, I had a daughter, but she passed away. Her death influenced my first marriage’s failure, although not just that.

In any case, a noteworthy fact is that the baby girl died a week after birth, and I had been still at work, at my business, at 8 in the evening when my water broke and we had to rush to the hospital to give birth... My first husband later accused me that it was because of me that the baby girl died, that I didn't slow down the pace... I don't know if that's true or not... But I know I didn't slow down the pace... And to be completely honest, even now, it's sometimes very difficult for me to slow down the pace, like right now, in this exact period, with so many things that need to be done... yesterday and that put an immense pressure on me, from which I feel I need to break free, or else it suffocates me... I wrote a bit in the Technique of Consciousness Flow, more than just a support blog for business, but maybe I needed it too, and so did you. I wanted to emphasize strongly one thing: if you accelerate the pace of life and work and keep it continuously like that, you will eventually end up being automatically slowed down, either by illness or something else, you can lose someone very dear and realize that you haven't given that person all the time and attention they deserved and which would have nourished both you and them, and instead, you let yourself be emptied once through your own frantic rush through life, and a second time through that loss. But if you slow down NOW, THERE IS STILL TIME NOW, IT'S NOT TOO LATE YET. But it's NOW, not tomorrow. Tomorrow is not ours. Whoever believes it is, is sorely mistaken or deluding themselves. If you slow down now, you can still enjoy life, there is still time, and by enjoying life, I don't mean the (senseless and frivolous) parties I attended a lot in my youth and now would remove from my list, that's not what I mean by enjoying life. If the things in your life even slightly resemble my story, then it's time for you to SLOW DOWN FAST. Your face will shine, yes, from the wonderful and effective facial care oils and creams, but your soul will shine much brighter because you've stopped your chase and started to receive the joys that were given to you for free.

Slow down, glow up. That's all I had to say for now, and that's what I wanted to clarify.

Thank you for reading my story!!